From Shopping Carts to Bumper Cars

I usually take my 5-month-old daughter with me to the grocery store each week. I have some experience taking young kids to the store because I used to take my son with me as well. However, maybe I didn't take him when he was this young...or maybe I've just blocked out the memories.

Since I can't drive a stroller and a shopping cart at the same time, I'm forced to put her in the cart while I shop. But, since she can't sit up yet, she has to stay in her baby car seat. I could put the car seat in the big part of the cart, but then I wouldn't have enough room for a week's worth of groceries. So, I'm stuck putting her car seat into the child seat portion of the cart.

Now, don't get me wrong...this part of the cart is NOT meant to hold a car seat. But, not having much choice, I do what most other moms do and balance it strategically in there and never walk far from the cart just in case.

In case we haven't met, I should tell you that I'm not a tall person. The five-foot-one on my driver's license is probably exaggerating, but I'm sticking with it. By putting the car seat in the cart that way, it makes the baby-cart combo just a little bit taller than I am. Which, if you're paying attention, means that I can't see where I'm going.

So, while I'm pushing the cart, I have to lean to the side a little so that I can see past the little bundle of joy and all her gear. I still don't have a perfect view, but it's better than seeing nothing. Still, the trips have their moments of infamy. Apparently, in their vast intelligence, the grocery store marketeers thought it would be great to put short display stands of items in the aisle in front of the shelves. So, they stick out and get in the way even when you have non-impaired sight. But in cases like mine, they are down right hazardous.

And now, I bring you the list of things I didn't run into at the grocery store last week...barely.

• Cans of okra (like the display is helping sell those, anyway)
• Glass jars of gravy
• The bread tables (stock was low, so they didn't stick up like usual)
• An abandoned, empty cart
• A few cases of Bud Light
• A kid with a kid-sized cart (they should SO put a flag on those carts!)
•  Easy-Mac, and lots of it

And lastly, here's what I did hit...a display of cotton candy. Who knew they sold that stuff at the grocery store? Oh well, at least it wasn't anything that would break...this time!

The Real Dinnertime Story

If you call my house between the hours of 4 pm and 7 pm on a weekday, I won't answer the phone. No matter who you are, you will get our answering machine unless my son happens to accidentally pick up the phone. If I did answer, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to hear what I'd have to say. That is, if you could hear me at all over the volume in the house.

During these hours, I'm trying to take care of the kids and make dinner. Doesn't sound too bad, right? I work from home, so I don't have to commute anywhere. I'm off work at 4 and am immediately in "mommy mode." Well, just because I'm already in my slippers doesn't mean this is a party.

Here's an example of what happened on a recent evening.

----begin excerpt of my evening----

I take a deep breath and convince myself I'm ready for this. The boxing trainer in my corner tells me I can do this. I already know what I'm making for dinner. I move my daughter's high chair and some of her toys into the kitchen and put her in it. My son is engrossed in building with Lego's...piece of cake!

...as visions of supermoms dance in my head...



Look at dinner recipe and get out first two ingredients for dinner from pantry.

Pick up toy that fell off high chair tray and give it back to baby.

Get skillet out of cabinet.

Pick up other pans that fell out while getting skillet out of cabinet.

Drop everything to investigate scream coming from living room.

Begin breathing again after realizing it was son's reaction to the Lego tower toppling. Back to kitchen.

Pick up toy and return it to high chair tray. Marvel at my daughter's smile.

Pick up recipe again to see what else I need. Get remaining ingredients from pantry and fridge.

Respond to request for a snack. Go into living room to discuss it further. No snacks...dinner is in a few minutes (if I can ever get it going). Back to kitchen.

Forgot what I was making...look at recipe again.

Pick up toy.

Defrost chicken and start chopping ingredients.

Cell phone rings. Answer it and tell hubby to hurry home. While on this call, I hear another crash from the living room. Hang up phone and go to living room. Kiss boo-boo and make sure he's okay from his fall off the couch. Back to kitchen.

Can't remember what I was doing. Read recipe again. Daughter is getting fussy in the high chair.

Look at the clock and realize the baby is hungry. Give her a teething ring from the fridge to hold her over until dinner is ready.

Read recipe again and start combining ingredients. Say a quick prayer that I'll hear the garage door open soon.

No, sorry...still no snacks. Wait for dinner.

Back over to crying baby. Decide it's over and start making a bottle.

While the bottle is in the microwave, cover up dinner ingredients so the cats don't get into them. Realize the cats haven't been fed. Run over to feed them.

Make bottle. Move high chair so it's closer to the counter. Hold bottle in her mouth with one hand and attempt to stir dinner with the other.

Read recipe again and realize I forgot something. Attempt to open the pantry door with my toe while stirring with one hand and holding bottle with another. FAIL.

Put the bottle down for just a second while I keep the pot from boiling over and add the missing ingredient. Baby seems okay so I go check on my son in the living room. He asks to watch a tv show, so I fumble with the remote to turn it on, praying that dinner doesn't overflow and the baby doesn't cry.

Back into the kitchen to finish the bottle. Limp dinner along while she finishes eating, only to realize I didn't preheat the oven for the bread. Ugh. Preheat the oven and turn the pot down to low so it won't overcook (I hope).

Sorry honey, I can't fast forward through the commercials. No, no snacks. I promise dinner will be ready soon (cross fingers and hope that's correct).

----end excerpt because it all went blurry from here----

These events cover roughly 4:30 pm to 4:45 pm. Yep, that was only FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Bet you'll be checking the clock before you call me next time won't ya?

More quotable kids (and parents) from the past week:

• "I don't want to find out if I'm good at the Heimlich Maneuver tonight."
• "I think your tooth went into my skull."
• "Hey mom and dad! Lydia said her first word today! She said it with her head, like this." < nods >
• "I'm the ice cream man. I sell pizza, ice cream, sprinkles and formula for babies. But I'm out of ice cream, so here's your pizza with sprinkles."
• "If she didn't have that monkey under her butt, she could roll over."
• "Let's make a circus. I'll be the ringmaster, you and Lydia can be the clowns, and Daddy can be the ostrich."
• "I think she has rice up her nose."

And my personal favorite, which is this week's Brutally Honest Bumper Sticker: 

• "Stop trying to pretend this is normal."

A Budding Artist

Last weekend, Christopher (my 4-year-old) asked me to play a game. He said he was going to draw something and I had to guess what it was. Since he has the usual drawing skills of a boy his age, I was obviously a little nervous. Aside from a better-than-I-could-draw sailboat last week, his drawings usually require translation.

So he made his first drawing on a magnet board (think Etch-a-Sketch with a pen instead of knobs), and turned it around toward me. It looked like a bunch of random marks. He said "Guess what dinosaur this is, Mommy."

Whew! A hint! I thought about all the dinosaurs that he knew, and I said "A brontosaurus."

"That's right!" he said.

After a quick erase and a few more strokes of the pen, he said "Here's the next one" and turned the board around.

"Hmmm...a triceratops?"

"YAY! Good job Mommy!"

Cool. This was going to be easier than I thought.

Again, he drew. Again, he turned the board around and asked me what it was. Thinking of the dinosaurs in recent conversation, I said "A pterodactyl?"

"Nope."

"A Tyrannosaurus Rex?"

"Nope."

Uh oh...running out of dinosaurs. I couldn't tell at all what the drawing was, so I decided to be funny. "A Christopher-saurus?"

<laughs> "No, Mommy!"

"A Mommy-saurus?" "A Daddy-saurus?"

He's getting annoyed now. "No, Mom."

I'm starting to feel guilty. How can I tell him that I can't tell what his drawing is?

"Okay, I give up. What kind of dinosaur is it?"

"It's not a dinosaur, Mommy. It's a scribble."

Leave it to my kid to be practical.